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Introducing:
«What Gets Measured Gets Done» :: Tom Peters
«An early morning walk is a blessing for the whole day» :: Henry David Thoreau
Your pedometer will measure your steps each day, but does not keep a lasting record. (Although the new Omron HJ-105 does keep a 7-day cumulative step count.) Enter P•E•D, which will provide you with your own personal progress report. You can access P•E•D on the Speakwell web site:

There is no charge for using P•E•D; you just click the P•E•D button, create your own password and enter your steps.
P•E•D features include:
- Daily step record
- Cumulative step totals
- Graphs of your progress
- Daily step average over a chosen time period
- Calories burned while walking
- Calories appropriate for weight maintenance
- BMI (Body Mass Indicator) calculator
(Most media stories about weight gain and obesity are based on people's BMI. It's a complex little calculation made simple by the P•E•D BMI Calculator.)
Go to the Home Page and click 'P•E•D Step Log and Calorie Counter'.
P•E•D is ideal for groups who are cumulatively walking across the USA or Canada or maybe fundraising by seeing how far they walk in a given time period.
Welcome to P•E•D.
The Wellness Tipping Point
Steven Covey used to say, "If you want to feel good about yourself, make a promise and keep it". Every day increasing numbers of people are promising themselves to walk 10,000 steps and are fulfilling their promise. The tipping point has arrived and quietly, in ever increasing numbers and in many different ways, people are beginning to take responsibility for their own wellness. New life is being breathed into the old sayings:
"If it's going to be, it's up to me."
And
"The helping hand is at the end of your arm."
Ever-growing armies of people are finding time to walk 10,000 steps each day and pedometers will soon be competing with cell phones for space on belts and waistbands. A year ago airport security were mystified by my pedometer, now they see them every day. Two years ago the orders for Omron pedometers from Speakwell were typically measured in ones and twos and now they're starting to arrive in multiples of 50 or 100 from schools, businesses, government groups, community health centers and hospitals.
A look down at your pedometer before bed can tell you that you are 10,000 steps further away from heart disease, diabetes, osteoporosis, hypertension and an array of expensive and debilitating sicknesses that go hand in hand with a sedentary lifestyle. You won't need to look at your pedometer to realize that you feel less stressed.
Think Globally, Act Locally
At Speakwell we can't change the world but we can support a variety of local initiatives involving walking and pedometers.
Step It Up
This is a school-based initiative spearheaded by my colleague and former student, Dr. Lara Lauzon. One of the most significant features of this program is that it's being funded by the Royal Victoria Marathon Society. Over the years this society has raised 10's of thousands of dollars for diagnostic and surgical equipment for hospitals. This year, the Race Director, Rob Reid, while continuing to support local hospitals, felt that some of the money would be better used if it were directed towards prevention and wellness. As a result, at least six local schools will be initiating pedometer-based programs in the fall under the banner of "Step It Up". The pedometers are not seen as something used exclusively by physical education teachers. In other schools, pedometers have been used in the following:
- Math class--for estimating distance, for graphing, averaging and many other number-related functions
- Health and Nutrition classes to see how many steps it takes to walk off the students' favorite fast foods. (They are always astounded)
- Science--for learning about how the body creates energy, stores fat and can burn fat by walking and other physical activity
The old maxim was that, "Every teacher was a teacher of English." If the current generation of children are to thrive, we'll need every teacher to be a teacher of wellness and walking.
Step It Up has been supported, since its inception, by our local member of the BC Legislature, Susan Brice. I've often noted, politicians think of the next election, but statespeople think of the next generation. Well done Susan.
 The need for physical activity in schools is brought into sharp focus when one sees products such as "Skinny Pills for Kids" advertised by the Fountain of Youth Group.
Their promotional literature notes:
"This is the FIRST thermic and herbal formula ever developed for weight loss for children 6 to 12 and has been created to help our children in their battle with fat."
Fortunately, the company is in trouble with the FTC and I believe Skinny Pills are no longer available. But it's tragic to see parents and children seek chemical solutions for what are largely lifestyle problems.
The cost of "Skinny Pills"? $39.95 US per month.
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The Walk to the Village

This is a unique project being created by Naz Rayani (People's Drug Mart), Dr. Lara Lauzon and Speakwell. It is a pilot project that will be portable to any community. The concept is simple with a goal of encouraging people to walk to the local Cadboro Bay Village for their shopping, morning coffee or to visit the restaurants or other services in the village. We are currently awaiting permission to paint signs on the sidewalk telling people how many steps to the village from particular points. The merchants have agreed to deliver merchandise free of charge so that the customers won't be concerned about having to carry their purchases home with them. Using an honor system, people will be able to register their steps for a weekly draw, with local merchants providing the prizes. The parking lots will be less crowded, there'll be more social interaction and, most importantly, people will make walking a part of their day.
Pedometers in Parliament

I was delighted to see pedometers featured in the opening paragraphs of the transcript of the Standing Committee on Health, which reported the words of Dr. Penny Ballem, Deputy Minister of Health Services for BC.
"We were thrilled to hear that the committee is interested in health promotion and wants to be assigned their own pedometers. Pedometers are becoming extremely popular. They are a best practice in physical activity promotion because they actually do motivate you. You start to have an understanding of the relationship of your activities of the day and how much that equates to physical activity that actually benefits you from a physical health and emotional health point of view.
These little step counters will give you feedback on every step you take through the course of your day. If you get to the early evening and you're finding you're lagging behind, then a few loops around the block - close to home or the Legislative Assembly - is a great little thing to do to catch up.
We've done a lot of work in the ministry around health promotion. We just launched a ministry Stairway to Health worksite wellness campaign this spring. We're actually going to have our staff all assigned pedometers. For that initial initiative just about the whole ministry, each individual, was given a pedometer, and we actually did a 10,000 step challenge on the Stairway to Health, where people wore their pedometers all day but a critical part of it was using the stairwells of 1515 Blanshard, which is a 7 floor building. Most of the time, most of us stand outside the elevators and wait to be carried up to the fourth, fifth, sixth or seventh floor on an elevator, but in that two-week initiative, basically everybody took the stairs unless they were carrying something very serious. We had just a remarkable engagement of our whole ministry staff in the competition to see which floor would actually track the most miles, both in their daily working and walking but also on the stairways. That was really wonderful."
Following Dr. Ballem's opening remarks were two powerful presentations by Dr. Lauzon and Dr. Rick Bell of the Coalition for Active Living, who both addressed the activity deficits in our country. They pointed out the human, social and fiscal costs of inactivity and suggested viable solutions. In front of a different audience both talks would have drawn standing ovations and a clarion call to action, but this being a government committee the responses were positive, but guarded, For example, "Not to shortchange the people we represent, but we're 11 billion plus dollars in health care today and the people are crying out for more - not on the preventative side, from what I'm getting, unless I'm missing things." Prevention and politics make strange bedfellows, as preventative measures are usually not big vote magnets. However, with health care costs measuring into the trillions it is clearly unsustainable to keep pumping all our resources into disease treatment.
The Simon Fraser UniverCity
The UniverCity is an exercise in sustainable living that is built on Burnaby Mountain in Vancouver. It is a real example of the sort of place that city planners and students often dream about, but that never get beyond the planning stage. This is not a carless community, but it is built with pedestrians and cyclists very much in mind


"Special paving, lighting, tree plantings, public art and the creative use of water features will help animate this area. In fact, the extensive use of paving stones, wooden benches, gardens, water features and other design elements will add to the overall charm and livability of the community.
A shuttle bus will link to the new Millennium SkyTrain, just minutes away. The layout of the community encourages walking or cycling to all public destinations including schools, shopping, transit and parks. At every opportunity, priority is being given to pedestrians and cyclists, with wider sidewalks and a network of paths connecting the community and campus. Consideration is also given to other forms of transportation such as scooters, rollerblades and skateboards."
There is also a car sharing co-op using Toyota Prius hybrid vehicles and a 'free' bike program similar to those found in the Netherlands. There is a real attempt to keep the ownership of the shops and services local. The designer and CEO of UniverCity, Michael Geller, wanted storefronts that would 'set a tone' in much the same way as independent businesses did on the Vancouver landmark of Granville Island, on which Geller worked in the 1970's. "You can go anywhere in North America and see the same businesses," said Geller, "So we made the decision right at the beginning that you wouldn't find Starbucks or Kentucky Fried Chicken on Main Street".
UniverCity has won praise from David Suzuki and in a recent TV documentary on obesity he suggested a new marketing slogan for the development, "Move here, you'll live longer". Few people are surprised that this pedestrian friendly, sustainable community is already a major success, which serves to remind us that a significant segment of the population would prefer to live without mega-malls, McDonalds and massive parking lots jammed with monster SUV's. 
It's refreshing to see a University literally walking the talk and living up to some ideals and is certainly preferable to the campus at the University of Western Ontario in London, which is currently home to 16, yes 16, Tim Horton's outlets.
For more information on UniverCity, click on the logo:



Old McDonald has a Stepometer
 | In a previous issue of 'Well', I wrote about the unfortunate, unreliable pedometer distributed by Kelloggs. (It now comes in 3 colors). McDonalds have introduced their own 'Stepometers' and I'm happy to report that my initial road testing found them quite satisfactory. I wore 2 of mine for two 5k walks and each time they were well within 10% of my calibrated Omron. They have a decent belt clip, they have a cover so you can't accidentally reset them and if they are durable, they are certainly worth the price of the "Go Active Happy Meal", to which they are an accessory. | When I'm 'caught' in McDonalds, I feel like a priest in a whorehouse so I sent my executive assistant, Bev, to purchase the Go Active meals and stepometers. The salad was quite acceptable, there was nothing wrong with the Dasani water except that it's made by Coca Cola and costs more than gas and our only problem with the meals was the ecologically unfriendly amount of packaging. |  |

I actually like the "Go Active Happy Meal" website with its graphics and walking suggestions.


Bob Greene's bike ride across America is well illustrated and I like the partnership with The President's Challenge. My only real disappointment was the downloadable step-log, which seemed very 1990's, although you can track your steps on-line using the President's Challenge site or, for 'Well' readers, the P•E•D.
In summary, while I'm not "Lovin' it", I think the McDonalds site is creative and professional and can only help spread the word about walking, pedometers and physical activity.
This must be my "Be nice to McDonalds" issue. I've been mighty critical in the past and if the choice was money or health, I"d always expect McDonalds to go for the money. However, of late they"re beginning to believe that perhaps they can get money and provide some healthy choices. They are eliminating "supersizing", loudly protesting that it had nothing to do with Morgan Spurlock's "Supersize Me" documentary, and are offering more salads and calorie reduced meals. On July 14th they blew away Wall Street's projections with sales up 8% for the quarter, the 2nd largest quarterly increase since 1987. I remain skeptical, but hopeful that people are starting to reward vendors who offer healthy choices.
Clarica/Sun Life
When addressing the Clarica long term care insurance specialists recently, I was delighted to find that each delegate had been given a pedometer in their delegate pack bearing the Clarica logo. If insurance companies can help support a wellness lifestyle for their clients they have the ultimate win/win situation. The clients live longer with a greater quality of life and the insurance company is less likely to be paying out large sums of money for long-term sickness. Seems like a no brainer.
I noted in a previous edition of 'Well' that quality pedometers are the most useful items I have seen in the traditional delegate packs, which are given to conference attendees.
 
The Father of Medicine, Hippocrates, said,
"Walking is the best medicine."
It was true around 420 bc and remains true nearly 2500 years later.
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 | Introduction by Dr. Martin Collis
The 4 S's of fitness are Stamina (cardio-vascular), Strength (muscle-power and endurance), Suppleness (flexibility) and Stability (balance). Much of the fitness focus in recent issues of 'Well' has been on the first 'S', Stamina, and the role of pedometers in encouraging people to walk 10,000 steps a day for cardio-vascular fitness.
However, pedometers don't help deliver the other 3 S's, which is where the fitness ball comes in. One simple, inexpensive item can provide a lifetime's worth of strength, suppleness and stability.
'Ball Bearings' is a brilliantly conceived book, which will help you squeeze the maximum amount of pleasure and performance from your ball.
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Ball Bearings article for Well Summer 2004
by Stefan Scott, MSc.
Summer is here! And along with summer comes all sorts of activities which we probably have not performed for a while: gardening, mowing the lawn, family hikes, vacations, BBQ's, etc... For many of us, we also take up some other summer time activities such as softball, volleyball, basketball, ball hock...hmmm, there's a 'Ball' pattern forming here. The point is that with all sorts of new activities, is your body physically prepared to meet these seasonal demands? Do you have your 'Bearings' in place for the summer season? Hey, another theme. Ball Bearings! Which brings me to a great way to exercise, have fun, and prepare yourself for a great summer.

Ball Bearings: A Book is Born!
Many of you have seen those large exercise balls at your local gyms and fitness studios, at your physiotherapists or chiropractors, or perhaps you even have your own ball. As far as value, fun and excellent results go, exercise balls are at the top of the list. This brings me back to Ball Bearings: The Complete Illustrated Guide of Ball Exercises. It is a book which was written by myself and two friends, Jeff Compton and Matt Tyler. Jeff and I are exercise physiologists and Matt is a physiotherapist. We all have a background working in rehabilitation clinics as well as training high performance athletes. We have been using exercise balls in our rehabilitation and athletic training programs for years now. We found that our clients loved exercising on a ball. The problem was that after completing a 4 or 6 week long rehabilitation program, they would leave the clinic knowing a dozen or so ball exercises, but wanted to progress and continue with their new training programs.

University of Victoria Accounts Department with their 'office furniture'
Hence an infant version of Ball Bearings was born 4 years ago. Dangerously armed with a cheap digital camera and a mock photo studio, Jeff, Matt and I created a picture book of about 60 different ball exercises to coincide with a Ball Bearings course we were offering. Then about 2 years ago, we decided to take the next step and create a version of Ball Bearings which would stand on its own as a book (no the book does not have legs - I mean stand alone as a complete and comprehensive guide to ball exercises!). We thought Ball Bearings would take us about 2 months to complete. 7 months later we realized that it would take us longer than we thought. We released Ball Bearings in May 2003 in Victoria, BC. The response has been overwhelming and we have had to go to a second printing. We designed the book to be visually friendly and simple; to have short and easy-to-understand instructions; to provide general theory on strengthening, endurance and flexibility; and useful for everyone from average Joe's (and Josephine's) to elite athletes.
 
Why Exercise on a Ball?
An exercise ball is a simple yet versatile tool. When you sit on a ball for the first time, you immediately notice that it is 'unstable' when compared to a chair, stool, weight bench or the ground. It is this instability that gives the ball its unique character and role in the world of fitness equipment. The great advantage of this inherent instability is that it challenges your body's stabilizing muscles. The more you challenge these muscles, the stronger they become and the better they will be at keeping you stable when you perform all of your summer time activities! Using an exercise ball can improve your balance, posture, coordination, reaction time, righting reflexes, joint mobility and pain control. It's also inexpensive, reliable, efficient, adaptable, portable, comfortable, unique, practical, and most importantly, it is fun!
OK, so now the important stuff: how can you ready yourself for summer and minimize those sore muscles? Ever think 'I shouldn't have spent 4 hours gardening yesterday', or 'I really think it's time to get a riding mower,' or 'I wish I hadn't piggy-backed Billy around the yard yesterday!'?
The No-Excuses Program
Although Ball Bearings has over 100 different ball exercises, I obviously cannot take the time (or space) to review them all here - that's what the books for! But let's review what we call our 'No Excuses' program that won't turn you into Arnold Schwarzenegger or Marion Jones, but will help you get your muscles active and started on the road to enjoying the benefits of increased strength and tone. All the better to take on the garden and little Billy!
Firstly, when it seems like there is no time to exercise, use the ball as a chair while you eat, watch television, or work. Try this a couple times a day for 10 minutes with good posture...you'll be surprised! This will activate core musculature that tends to get neglected during our regular routines.
Secondly, when it seems like there is no time to exercise - make time. All I'm asking from you right now is 10 minutes just to get started (with the hope that as you start to feel better and see the benefits, you gladly start to regularly commit 30 - 45 minutes, 3 or 4 times a week to having fun on a ball, and really start to see the benefits rolling in (pun intended ;-).
Of the following seven exercises, select any four, and perform 2 sets of each (repetitions will be discussed with each exercise). Do this 3 times a week. The seven exercises are:
- 1 Legged Statue
- The Walkout
- Superman!
- Crunches
- Back Extensions
- Wall Squats
- The Bridge
1 Legged Statue
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Sit in a neutral posture, hold you arms out to the side to help balance. Think of neutral posture as your best posture - chest out, shoulders back. Focus on stabilizing yourself through the mid-section. Be careful not to lean backwards while balancing.
Using a slow and controlled movement, and without changing your neutral back posture, raise one leg out in front of you and hold for a time count. Alternate legs.
1 set = 5 repetitions (reps) of 5 seconds for each leg.
The Walkout
Start in a seated position with good posture. Slowly walk your feet forward while leaning back into the ball. Place your hands on the ball for added stability. Continue forward until your head rests on the ball. Keep hips up, do not sag and remember your neutral spine.
Try moving side-to-side and front-to-back. First time users should keep their head resting on the ball. To return to a seated position (I hope you read this before trying the exercise!) contract your abdominal muscles, bring your chin to your chest, and walk your feet back towards the ball. Even easier: from the Finish position just sit down on the ground.
1 set = 3 reps of holding the Finish position for 15 seconds.
Superman!
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Start by lying on the ball and keeping your abdominal muscles firm (otherwise it will probably be uncomfortable). Slowly raise one arm and the opposite leg. The goal is to avoid side-to-side movement or any twisting of your hips and upper back. Do not lift your limbs so high that either your hip or shoulder rotates and causes you to lose your neutral posture.
Progress by trying to lift three limbs at once...is it a bird?...is it a plane?...
1 set = 5 reps of 5 seconds for each 'side'.
Crunches
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Use the Walkout (described above) to get into the Start position. Cross your hands on your chest. With a slow and controlled pace, use your abdominal muscles to curl your upper body as if you are trying to make your chest and belly button meet, rising up until your shoulder blades come off the ball. Pause for a second, then slowly return to the Start position and repeat.
Do not bounce on the ball or use the ball to 'rebound' yourself back up. You must keep your low back in contact with the ball at all times. The ball should not move during this exercise.
1 set = 10 reps
Back Extensions
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Start by lying on the ball while keeping your abdominal muscles firm. Your feet should remain on the floor the whole time. Should your feet slip, place them against a wall. If you are new to this exercise, you may place your hands on the ball for balance. However, the low back should be doing the work - not your arms!
Using a slow and controlled pace, arch your back by raising your chest up and away from the ball. Pause briefly at the top. Slowly return to the Start position and repeat. No bouncing! Your head and neck should remain in a neutral posture.
1 set = 10 reps
Wall Squats
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Lean on the ball and place your feet one step in front of you. Slowly lower into a 'seated' position so that your trunk is parallel to the wall and at right angles to your thighs. Avoid letting your buttocks slide under the ball or towards your heels! Pause for a second before returning to the Start position.
In the Finish position, your knees should not protrude beyond the tips of your toes. When straightening your legs, do not let your knees 'snap' back. Move in a controlled manner, maintain a neutral posture, and keep your head upright throughout.
1 set = 10 reps
The Bridge
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With heels on the ball, slowly raise your hips upwards until your body is straight. To help maintain balance, keep your hands out to the side, palms facing up. This adds a challenge to your upper back and shoulders.
As you get tired your hips will tend to sag; try and prevent this! However, avoid arching your hips too far towards the ceiling; do not push beyond your neutral spine position.
1 set = 5 reps of 10 seconds each.
The Final Word
I hope you enjoy trying the No Excuses program and that is starts you on your way to a great, fun-filled and healthy summer. If you would like to learn even more great ball exercises such as the Dolphin, the Sprinkler and ZZ Bottoms, or even more detail on the seven we've reviewed, please see our book Ball Bearings! There are over 100 different exercises in it. Balls and books are available through the Well-mart at the Speakwell website, and you can get more information on Ball Bearings at: www.ballbearings.org

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FITnet is a unique, useful and inspirational wellness focused message that is being seen by close to half a million people, 5 days a week, 52 weeks a year. It is the brainchild of Tim Lane in Iowa, who has devoted much of his life to making wellness and fitness accessible, rewarding and fun. FITnet is free and concise and each day you get a single story (often historical) followed by some quotations, which relate to the story's message.
I met Tim when I spoke at the Governor's Health Conference in Iowa. (Note: Iowa Governor Vilsack was given strong consideration to be John Kerry's running mate in the upcoming election.) I could not have had a better guide to Iowa, as Tim took time out to take me to Dyersville to see the Field of Dreams...

...and to Clear Lake to visit the Surf Ballroom where Buddy Holly played his final concert. 
He provided a running commentary on all things Iowan as we drove.
Tim is a marathoner, former Director of the National Ski Patrol, climber (in Iowa?) and volleyball coach, but most of all he's a cyclist. He cycled across America once and Iowa 25 times. He's a regular participant in RAGBRAI (The Des Moines Register's Annual Great Bike Ride Across Iowa). He developed the Ride Right safety program and helped design and promote Lighten Up Iowa, clones of which are now in 15 other states. [check out www.ragbrai.org] 
In Tim's own words:
"But my greatest joy has been FITnet. It started as an in-house distribution to 18 employees of the IDPH (Iowa Department of Public Health) and now goes to over 400,000. In Armenia a local health official translates it and redistributes it to his colleagues. The redistribution process is how it goes to so many. It goes to forest rangers in the Unitas Wilderness Area and Microsoft employees in Seattle. Every morning of every weekday it is delivered to computers in Canada, the United States, Europe and other parts of the world.
In addition to serving as the Fitness Consultant for the Iowa Department of Public Health, I am also the Iowa Communication Network coordinator for our department and provide technical assistance on satellite feeds, web casts and other distance learning technologies."
If there were more Tim Lanes in this world, we would be fitter, leaner, healthier, friendlier and have a lot more fun. 
Here are 4 examples of FITnets that have shown up on my computer recently.
 Monday FITnet, May 24
I bet you knew that statues of individuals on horses have various meanings
associated with leg positions. If the horse has both front legs in the air,
the person died in battle. One front leg in the air indicates that the
person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If all four legs are
on the ground the person died of natural causes. I wish to offer some
suggestions on how this symbolism could be expanded. If the individual is on
a couch, he or she died of sedentary lifestyle. A portrayal of the
individual with both feet firmly on the ground in a walking position would
indicate that they lived to a ripe old age. We could also use a cyclist
without a helmet to indicate an accidental death or perhaps someone who was
an organ donor.
"We all learn by experience, although some of us have to go to summer school." :: Peter de Vries
"A man thinks as well through his legs and arms as this brain." :: Henry David
Thoreau
"The value of health grows exponentially, after we lose it." :: J.P. Hart
Tuesday FITnet, May 18

Last year the Pennsylvania House and Senate got into a debate over which
should be the official state cookie. The legislators weighed in on sugar
versus chocolate chip with the same insight and reason used when considering
other issues. Too bad they didn't dwell on a state habit or activity! More
and more studies are being published that demonstrate how moderate physical
activity improves job performance and improves health. One recent study,
published in the Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine,
indicated that fit employees get along better with fellow employees and take
fewer sick days than out-of-shape colleagues. I vote we all be a bit more
active this week.
"You politicians have got to look further ahead; you always got a putter in
your hands, when you ought to have a driver." :: Will Rogers
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that
one's work is terribly important." :: Bertrand Russell
"Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so." :: Bertrand
Russell
"You can do anything -- not everything" :: Keith H. Hammonds
Friday FITnet, June 18
Hammurabi was the ruler who chiefly established the greatness of Babylon, the world's first metropolis. Many relics of his reign, from 1795 to 1750 BCE, have been preserved, and today we recognize this King as an organized law-giver. His code, carved in stone for all to see, went like this:
Lie ... death.
Poor workmanship ... death.
Stealing ... death.
There was one loophole: an accused person was allowed to cast himself into the Euphrates. If the current bore him to the shore alive, he was declared innocent. If he drowned, he was guilty. I guess swimming was not a skill that had been introduced to the Babylonians. Speaking of swimming, might I suggest you throw yourself into a pool in the near future? I am sure you are innocent and will float to shore!
"Learning is not compulsory - neither is survival." :: W. Edwards Deming
"The strictest law sometimes becomes the severest injustice." :: Ben Franklin
"In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." :: Thomas Jefferson
Wednesday FITnet, April 14
Norman Cousins, editor of the Saturday Evening Post, was diagnosed with what
was characterized as a fatal disease. But he refused to give in. Rather than
accept the sterile and cold atmosphere of the hospital in which he was
confined, he had favorite comedy films and humorous books brought to him.
Cousins claimed that a good laugh gave him at least two hours of pain-free
sleep. He not only survived, but he was appointed to the faculty of UCLA
medical school, where he taught medical students about the "laughing cure."
A good laugh gives your muscles a workout. This "inner jogging" increases
blood pressure rate, depth of breathing, and oxygen surges throughout the
body. After a good laugh, muscles go limp, blood pressure falls, and you
experience a mild euphoria. Researchers believe laughter releases the
brain's natural opium, endorphins. That may account for the pain relief that
accompanies laughter. It also accounts for the one liners accompanying this
message.
"Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says
"Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
"Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?"
"Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He
wanted to transcend dental medication."
"Descartes walked into a bar. "Would you like a beer?" said the bartender. "I think not", replied Descartes, and completely disappeared."
Tim's sense of humor showed up in a recent email. NASA have produced a 'Black Box for People', which provides a variety of physiological data. [For more info go to:
http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2004/07apr_blackbox.htm?list128720] 
There's also the Body Composition Analyzer which measures body fat, muscle mass, bone mass, & hydration.  http://www.shoplifestyleonline.com/ya124.html
Tim writes:
Using similar technology we could enhance the value of the pedometer. Down the road there may be devices like OnStar for humans. I look forward to the day when a pedometer says...
"I see you got 10,000 steps today...weigh to go."
"I notice you just drove to the McDonalds, you know you could have walked to the Subway."
"This is Dr. Collis at OnFoot...I am afraid I am going to have to shut down you car for a while...I see where you only have 245 steps so far today."
"Our weight sensors indicate you are driving with a small child on your lap or have been putting on weight...either way this is not a healthy condition...might I suggest a nice walk?"
"This is Dr. Collis...you are nearing a very nice park on your right...if you add a loop around it you will add 1,000 steps and see some very nice gardens."
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Many of the best things in life are free and FITnet is one of them. A bit of Tim's wit and wisdom at the start of each day is always welcome. Why not contact Tim and subscribe to FITnet for yourself or your staff?
Sign up a "Well" reader for FITnet
tlane@idph.state.ia.us

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 | Introduction by Dr. Martin Collis
Prior to their attempted ascent of Everest, my friends Rob Dyke and Ian Scanlon burned off a few extra calories by walking across India. (I should have insisted they wear pedometers.) Spending time in the rural communities of developing nations can serve to make you unbelievably grateful that you are able to live and work in North America. Rob and Ian compiled an ever-changing list of the 5 worst jobs in the world.
The next time you feel like complaining that your chair isn't ergonomically designed, or that your boss doesn't like you or that you have to work overtime, think about the 5 worst jobs in the world and it will put your complaints into perspective.
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The 5 Worst Jobs in the World
By Rob Dyke
- Lake cleaner
To our sensitive Western noses every town and village smelt bad. It's very hot, sanitation is rudimentary and often non-existent and animal and vegetable waste matter are often left to rot in the sun. The locals acclimate to this, but in one community the shallow lake in the centre of town became so putrid, polluted and evil that it even smelled offensive to the citizens who are accustomed to some pretty bad odors. (A hotel owner told us, "To call this a bad town would be a compliment.")
The solution was to dredge the lake, and this was accomplished by creating a human chain standing almost shoulder to shoulder passing wicker baskets fire-brigade style to empty the lake. The men worked many hours a day under the blazing sun, waist deep to almost neck deep at times in the rank, sepia slime of excrement and mystery ingredients.
Drawbacks: Too numerous to mention.
Benefits: A tiny wage, and presumably the disgusting job will end when the lake is dredged.
- Crap Patty Maker
As the buffalo go through town, you join the race with a number of other locals to grab a steamy, warm pile of buffalo dung. Having won this prize, (to me this would be a good race to lose), you blend it with straw and wood chips to create crap patties. These are then laid out for drying.

Drawbacks: No pay and often working up to your elbows in buffalo dung.
Benefits: You are able to create a fuel source for cooking which inevitably imparts a familiar flavor to the food - think of the opposite of honey smoked.
- Gravel Maker
The morning is spent walking back and forth from the streambed to the roadside (approx. 1km) carrying big rocks in a basket strapped to your head. You then squat down by your rock pile with a hammer and chip the rocks into gravel. You work in a multi-sensory environment with the heat of the sun, the smell of the diesel fumes and the ear shattering sound of air horns from the decorated trucks that speed by.

Drawbacks: Inadequate tools to do work traditionally done by prisoners in the Western World. ("Breaking rocks in the hot sun, I fought the law and the law won.") Twenty miles down the road an entrepreneur now has a gravel-making machine with an output a thousand times greater than yours, driving down the price of gravel and eroding your tiny income.
Benefits: Excellent aerobic and upper body work hoisting and carrying rock. No need to join Curves.
- Asphalt Carriers
This is an uncomplicated, nasty job. All you have to do is carry a leaky bucket of hot tar on your head from the truck to the work site, hundreds of times a day. It has the usual attributes of the 5 worst jobs; it's hot, smelly and pays very little.

Drawbacks: See above.
Benefits: No need for styling gel as the tar can weld your hair into permanent dreadlocks.
- Funeral Worker
A day in the life of a funeral worker lacks the decorum you might see in "Six Feet Under". The morning is spent dragging and carrying huge timbers for the funeral pyre. You need a big enough conflagration to handle 5 or 6 bodies at a time. Sensory stimulation includes the smell of burning flesh and crying and wailing of family who sometimes hit you in their grief.

After the cremation you sweep the ashes into the ash/water pits on the edge of the Ganges.
Drawbacks: Your skills often go unappreciated by the mourning families and there is no payment.
Benefits: You get to stand waist deep in the human ash/water and pan for gold or other valuables from the remains of your clients. This is how you earn your living.
So are you still 'stressed out' because the air conditioning isn't working or there's construction going on next door? Just do a job exchange with an Indian laborer and your problems will be solved.
Everest Recipes
After crossing India, the path tilted uphill as we approached Everest. Unlike the "tourists" who pay 60 grand to be helicoptered in and guided to the summit, Ian was going with just one Sherpa and no oxygen in his one-man quest to the Top of the World. My role was support and to be the chef at base camp. Why not try these Everest favorites.
Coffee Chapatti

Flour (enough)
1 handful of instant coffee
1 handful of sugar
small amount of water
2 pats of Yak butter
Mix flour/sugar/coffee into bowl and add water to get dough texture. Fry both sides in pan of Yak butter to golden brown. Serve with peanut butter/jam. Good kick start to your day.
Summit Salmon Pasta
2 tins smoked salmon
8 eggs
2-4 dollops of mayo
chives
ground, black pepper
Tabasco (optional)
pasta of your choice
Boil eggs (up to 25 min at 5000 meters). Mash the eggs and salmon together. Add mayo and black pepper (some Tabasco to taste). Spoon over pasta. Top with chives.

Rob Dyke and Ian Scanlon cook an Everest-style meal in the Speakwell kitchen prior to showing their remarkable film of India, Everest and Rob's attempted 1000K swim around Vancouver Island
Our most popular dessert was 'Into Thin Pear', but we'll save that for another issue of 'Well'.
On trips like this you invariably come up with phrases to keep you going. Two of mine, which achieved a mantra-like status in my mind were:
"I have found a level of suffering that I'm comfortable with."
And
"Fine is fine but good is better."
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This month's Speaker Profile : Keith Jeffery
"4 Minute Fitness" is the title of a program packaged on videotape and DVD by Dr. Keith Jeffery. My initial reaction on hearing the title was not positive; it sounded like a shortcut for people who really don't want to exercise. I was wrong. "4 Minute Fitness" distills the essence of what Keith has learned in his 30 years of teaching and practising positive mind/body performance.

Professionally, Keith was trained as a veterinarian, which gives him an interesting perspective on the human animal. However, for many years his passion was T'ai Chi and gradually he devoted a greater and greater proportion of his time to teaching traditional and complex T'ai Chi. He was frustrated that many students who successfully completed a number of his courses, and who experienced the benefits of T'ai Chi, seemed unable or unwilling to make T'ai Chi an ongoing part of their lives away from the stimulus of the teaching program. To address this problem Keith created "T'ai Chi for Busy People", which proved to be a solid, practical and commercial success. The demand for his workshops was huge and Keith gradually let go of his profession as a vet, and professionalized his passion.

As a wellness practitioner, Keith criss-crossed the North American continent and made a number of trips to Asia. He continued to study and created his own wellness regime, which, in addition to running, included deep breathing, Yoga and aspects of sports psychology. While practicing T'ai Chi on the beach one morning, Keith had a Eureka moment, which I'll let him describe.
"All of a sudden, the whole concept just came into my mind, why not layer the practices of T'ai Chi, Yoga, Qi Gong, deep breathing and positive affirmations? Bring together the best of the best, for people to perform SIMULTANEOUSLY rather than one after the other. Make it easy, make it powerful. Imagine...in 4 minutes you will move almost every muscle and joint in the body, breathe deeply into the depths of your lungs, focus on the positive aspects of your life, feel the pulsation of life coming back into your body, and then at the 4 minute mark throw your arms up in the air with an enthusiastic YES, YES, YES!!! Now imagine, taking 4 minutes a day and replicating those feelings anywhere and anytime."
The concept worked and Keith's video/DVD sales now approach 30,000 copies. "4 Minute Fitness" is really like a thinking persons 5BX (the amazingly successful Canadian 5-minute program from the late 60's). [To order a copy of '4 Minute Fitness' from our wellMart store, click on the image to the left.]
Seeing is believing, and the best way to understand the structure and philosophy of "4 Minute Fitness" is to see Keith in action. He is a great presenter who uses humour and interaction with the audience so that people leave his workshops informed, entertained and empowered. I can guarantee that Keith will energize any conference or group that is lucky enough to experience his presentation.

Real teachers are rare and it's worth going out of your way to see Keith in action and he can be booked through Speakwell (see our Speakers section on our web site). To find out more about Keith and his wife, Krisanna, with whom he often works, go to www.4minutefitness.com.

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As of July 15, 2004, obesity has gone from being a personal problem to an officially classified disease in the US. The change of classification was described in the Newsday as follows.
"The federal Medicare program yesterday abandoned a long-standing policy that obesity is not a disease, removing what has been a major roadblock for many people trying to get treatment for the burgeoning health problem.
After years of review, the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services, which runs the health program for the elderly and disabled, announced it was dropping language that had led the agency to routinely deny coverage for a host of weight-loss therapies.
While the decision does not automatically mean any specific treatment will be covered, the move opens the door to what is expected to be a flood of applications from individuals, doctors and companies for Medicare to begin paying for a wide variety of therapies, including stomach surgery, diet programs and counseling.
"Obesity is a critical public health problem in our country that causes millions of Americans to suffer unnecessary health problems and die prematurely," Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson said in announcing the long-awaited decision. "With this new policy, Medicare will be able to review scientific evidence in order to determine which interventions improve health outcomes for seniors and disabled Americans who are obese.
The move, the latest in a series of steps the federal government has taken to fight the nation's rising obesity problem, was hailed as a major step forward by public health experts, anti-obesity advocates, and individual doctors.
"Conceptually, this is a huge change, for the medical profession, for insurers and for employers to treat this just like any other disease," said Morgan Downey, executive director of the American ObesityThe move, the latest in a series of steps the federal government has taken to fight the nation's rising obesity problem, was hailed as a major step forward by public health experts, anti-obesity advocates, and individual doctors. Association, an advocacy group that has been lobbying for the change.
Private insurance companies often pattern their coverage after Medicare, so the decision is expected to put strong pressure on them to expand coverage."
Martin Comments
Overall I suspect this is a good thing and will enable some people to get help that they may not otherwise be able to afford. But we have to be so careful of medicalizing lifestyle related problems. Obesity can be attacked with pills and surgery but without personal commitment and understanding there is no long term fix. There's no fluoride-like substance we can put in the water to keep us thin.
A recent observation I've made after speaking with 3 different people, who were morbidly obese and diagnosed with fibromyalgia, is that they may have been misdiagnosed. All three had lost at least 75 lbs. and with the weight loss the symptoms of 'fibromyalgia' had disappeared. The first step in dealing with fibromyalgia would obviously seem to be weight loss.
With so many fat people in the USA, this new legislation seems like a prescription to bankrupt Medicare and Medicaid Services, but there is a catch. (Isn't there always?) The funded treatments "must prove effective"; but the meaning of 'effective' isn't defined. Does it mean, for example, that 80% of people on a particular program would lose the weight required to put them in a 'normal' classification and keep the weight off for at least 5 years? This would exclude almost every advertised weight loss program. On the other hand does it mean that people will live longer? This type of longitudinal data is almost non-existant. So don't expect Medicare to be paying your Weight Watchers dues, covering the cost of special meals from Jenny Craig or The Zone or refunding money spent on 'Atkins Approved' groceries.
Through my cheerfully biased eyes it would make so much more fiscal and lifestyle sense to underwrite and subsidize exercise programs rather than paying billions of dollars to support people, who in many cases (certainly not all), have made poor lifestyle choices. It's been proved over and over again that exercise prevents, controls or cures most chronic disease and that it is a natural and effective method of weight loss and weight control. Remember the words of Don Ardell, which are featured in the 'Quotes' section of this issue. "We expect far too much of the medical system and far too little of ourselves."
What is a Billion?
Firstly, in the US and Canada, it is one thousand million: 1,000,000,000
A billion seconds ago it was 1972.

A billion minutes ago Jesus had just been crucified.

A billion hours ago, we were in the Stone Age.
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t Speakwell we are convinced that walking is the answer to so many of the problems of our 21st century life (less) style. One of our tea breaks turned into listing our Top Twenty walking songs.
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Here they are along with the artists that we associate with the songs.
- Walk Like a Man (4 Seasons)
- I Go Walking After Midnight (Patsy Cline)
- I'm Walking (Fats Domino)
- I'm Walking on Sunshine (Katrina and the Waves)
- Walk Right In (Rooftop Singers)
- These Boots are made for Walking (Nancy Sinatra)
- I Walk the Line (Johnny Cash)
- Walk Like an Egyptian (The Bangles)
- Walk Right Back (Every Brothers)
- Walk On By (Dionne Warwick)
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- Why Walk When You Can Fly? (Mary Chapin Carpenter)
- Walking the Dog (Rufus Thomas or Rolling Stones) (There was also a 60's hit called 'Walking with my Cat named Dog'.)
- The Walk of Life (Dire Straits)
- Walk Don't Run (Ventures)
- Walking in a Winter Wonderland
- Walking My Baby Back Home (Nat King Cole)
- Walking to New Orleans (Fats Domino)
- The Way I Walk (Jack Scott)
- Walking (Willie Nelson, also Miles Davis)
- You'll Never Walk Alone (Many versions including the Liverpool Soccer Fans)
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So there you have it and we didn't include The Pretenders 'I Would Walk 500 Miles' or the Left Banke's 'Just Walk Away Renee' or wanabe walking songs such as 'The Happy Wanderer' or 'On the Road Again'. The list betrays our age, but it's hard to imagine someone rapping about walking.
Feel free to email us with other 'walking' songs we might have missed.
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"If you build it they will come", and we came, but it wasn't easy.
Sinclair Island is a small island in the San Juan chain off Washington State. It's surrounded by rocks and reefs, which you can slide through in a kayak or Zodiac and not much else. 
It is, and will probably remain, an almost secret sanctuary where a single man has a love affair with nature. He's created Boulder Reef Gardens where anyone is welcome to meditate, to think and just to be at one with his singular vision. 
You won't find a web site for Boulder Reef Gardens and it's creator's name escapes me, but it's clear he has no interest in publicity or money. 
Over a 50 acre site he's created a series of trails, which link the little natural theatres where there are chairs in which to sit and carved quotations, which serve to remind one to pay homage to the natural world.




The creator is a pantheist with the spirit of Wordsworth and his wisdom comes from many sources, ranging from Aristotle to Winnie the Pooh. In our money driven world he's created something completely uncommercial and impractical unless, of course, you feel that peace and tranquility are practical and important.
Our 3 hour return journey was made longer by the intervention of the US Coast Guard, who flat out didn't believe that two grown men, Rob Dyke and myself, would travel a long distance in a 12 ft. Zodiac just to walk a labrynth and look at some trees and quotations. They suspected drugs and 'boarded our vessel' for a comprehensive search. They seemed determined to treat us as potential drug runners or terrorists, even when I pointed out that I had designed and patented the survival jackets which are standard issue for the US Coast Guard.
After this intrusion of the 'real world', we bounced back to Vancouver Island seeing the odd Orca whale which, unlike us, does not have to deal with Homeland Security.

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Daisies
Mary Oliver
It is possible, I suppose, that sometime
we will learn everything
there is to learn; what the world is, for example,
and what it means. I think this as I am crossing
from one field to another, in summer, and the
mockingbird is mocking me, as one who either
knows enough already or knows enough to be
perfectly content not knowing. Song being born
of quest he knows this: he must turn silent
were he suddenly assaulted with answers. Instead
oh hear his wild, caustic, tender warbling ceaselessly
unanswered. At my feet the white-petalled daisies display
the small suns of their centerpiece, their--if you don't
mind my saying so--their hearts. Of course
I could be wrong, perhaps their hearts are pale and
narrow and hidden in the roots. What do I know?
But this: it is heaven itself to take what is given,
to see what is plain; what the sun
lights up willingly; for example--I think this
as I reach down, not to pick but merely to touch--
the suitability of the field for the daisies, and the
daisies for the field. |
The Prayer Tree
Michael Leunig
1. God bless this tiny little boat
And me who travels in it.
It stays afloat for years and years
And sinks within a minute.
And so the soul in which we sail,
Unknown by years of thinking,
Is deeply felt and understood
The minute that it's sinking.
2. When the heart
Is cut or cracked or broken
Do not clutch it
Let the wound lie open.
Let the wind
From the good old sea blow in
To bathe the wound with salt
And let it sting.
Let a stray dog lick it
Let a bird lean in the hole and sing
A simple song like a tiny bell
And let it ring.
Let it go, let it out.
Let it all unravel.
Let it free and it can be
A path on which to travel. |  |
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| The Secret Heart
Robert P. Tristram Coffin
Across the years he could recall
His father one way best of all.
In the stillest hour of night
The boy awakened to a light.
Half in dreams, he was his sire
With his great hands full of fire.
The man had struck a match to see
If his son slept peacefully.
He held his palms each side the spark
His love had kindled in the dark.
His two hands were curved apart
In the semblance of a heart.
He wore, it seemed to his small son,
A bare heart on his hidden one,
A heart that gave out such a glow
No son awake could bare to know.
It showed a look upon a face
Too tender for the day to trace.
One instant, it lit all about,
And then the secret heart went out.
But shone long enough for one
To know that hands held up the sun. |
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Pitcher
Robert Francis
His art is eccentricity, his aim
How not to hit the mark he seems to aim at,
His passion how to avoid the obvious,
His technique how to vary the avoidance.
The others throw to be comprehended. He
Throws to be a moment misunderstood.
Yet not too much. Not errant, arrant, wild,
But every seeming aberration willed.
Not to, yet still, still to communicate
Making the batter understand too late.
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Old Song
Traditional, West Africa

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Quote of the Quarter

«Sometimes your best is not enough, you have to do what's required.»
:: Winston Churchill
Quotes
«Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance.»
:: Debbie Hickok
«An optimist is the human personification of Spring.»
:: Susan Bissonette
«Real glory springs from the silent conquest of ourselves.»
:: Joseph Thompson

«A man sits as many risks as he runs.»
:: Henry David Thoreau
«When I run, I am an explorer, I discover what has always surrounded me that I never knew, and what I knew, but never tasted.»
:: Nicole Slater
«If you want a place in the sun, you must leave the shade of the family tree.»
:: Osage Proverb

«Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and a conscientious stupidity.»
:: Martin Luther King

«Nothing dies harder than a bad idea.»
:: Julia Cameron
«Leap and the net will appear.»
:: Julia Cameron
«No one with access to a convertible, an empty highway and a good radio station should ever need a psychiatrist.»
:: Terry Allen
«Now that I have learned to stand alone, I'm ready to stand with another.»
:: Unknown
 «Newspapers are unable, seemingly, to discriminate between a bicycle accident and the collapse of civilization.»
:: George Bernard Shaw

«A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.»
:: Dave Barry
«Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.»
:: Elbert Hubbard
«Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.»
:: Groucho Marx
«In archeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known.»
:: Thomas Pickering
«What if the worst of us gets the best of us?»
:: Unknown
 «A human being is a lab animal that, under carefully controlled research conditions, will do precisely what they damn well please.»
:: George Sheehan

«People expect too much from modern medicine, and too little of themselves.»
:: Don Ardell
«Genes are not dictators, they are committees. They do not give orders, they make suggestions.»
:: Neal D. Barnard, M.D.
Questions and answers from Ralph Nader
 Q: What product on the market today makes you think Corvair every time you see it?
A: McDonald's double cheeseburgers, a weapon of mass destruction.
Q: You've blasted corporate America for "commercializing everything it touches". What strikes you as the most obscene example of commercialization?
A: The commercialization of childhood is truly the most offensive. Basically, corporations have decided that kids under 12 are a lucrative market, and they sell directly to them, subverting parental authority. The idea is to reach these millions of kids who are in a vulnerable, impressionable state, even starting at 2, 3, 4 years old, to get them to nag their parents to buy the products. What are they selling these kids? Bad diets, fat and sugar, teaching them to be addicts. They are addicting them to watching 30, 40 hours of screens Ð video, television, computer screens. The commercialization of childhood is a pervasive form of electronic child molestation.
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Public speaking is very easy :: George W. Bush
 | "The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country." :: George W. Bush |
 "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." :: George W. Bush |
 | "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future." :: George W. Bush |
"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world." :: George W. Bush |  |

|  "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." :: George W. Bush |
"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system." :: George W. Bush | 
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 | I stand by all the misstatements that I've made :: George W. Bush |
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Nancy and Bev both gave their stamp of approval to this piece from Andy Rooney.
Women Over 40
"As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
1. A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you
thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
2. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She
does something she wants to do. And it's usually
something more interesting.
3. A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a
damn what you might think about her or what she's
doing.
4. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the
middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if
you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you,
if they think they can get away with it.
5. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be
unappreciated.
6. A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger
woman with a man will often ignore even her best
friend because she doesn't trust the guy with
other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if
you're attracted to her friends because she knows
her friends won't betray her.
7. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They
always know.
8. A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not True of younger women or
drag queens.
9. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
10. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are
acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder
where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For
every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of
40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow
pants making a fool of himself with some
22-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize." ~ ANDY ROONEY
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Love and Laughter are the two central features of Martin's M.E.L.L.O.W. * acronym. They come together in this dazzling pun-laden parody of the old Dean Martin standard, "That's Amore".
That's AMORE!
When the moon hits your eye
Like a big pizza pie
That's Amore.
When an eel bites you hand
And that's not what you've planned
That's a moray.
When our habits are strange
And our customs deranged
That's our mores.
When your horse munches straw
And the bales total four
That's some more hay.
When Othello's poor wife
Gets strangled in strife
That's a Moor, eh?
When a Japanese knight
Waves his sword in a fight
That's Samurai.
When your sheep go to graze
In a damp, marshy place
That's a moor, eh?
When your boat comes home fine
And you tie up her line
That's a moor, eh?
When you ace your last tests
Like you did all the rest
That's some more A's.
When on Mount Cook you see
An Aborigine
That's a Maori.
A comedian-ham
With a name Amsterdam
That's a Morey.
When your chocolate graham
Is so full and so crammed
That's s'more.
When you've had quite enough
Of this dumb rhyming stuff
That's No more! Eh?
|  * Magic of the Mind Exercise Laughter Love Optimal Nutrition Wonder
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 We wish to acknowledge the magazine 'Stitches', a Canadian journal of medical humor, for many of our cartoons.
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Click here to request a booking with Dr. Collis or click the 'Book Online' button on the main website |
August 23 | Vancouver Police Department | Vancouver BC |
September 2 & 3 | Meadow Lake School Division | Meadow Lake SK |
September 24 | Victoria Catholic Schools | Victoria BC |
October 1 | Nelson/Creston School District (Hold) | Creston BC |
October 2 | Canadian Diabetes Association (Hold) | Parksville BC |
October 13 | Iowa Dept. of Health HIV/AIDS Conference (Hold) | Des Moines Iowa |
October 14 | Delta Ware Wellness Program Launch (Hold) | Charlottetown PEI |
October 15 | PEI Teachers Federation | Charlottetown PEI |
October 20 | Seaside Seniors Conference | Seaside OR |
November 6 | Lupus Symposium (Hold) | Vancouver BC |
| 2005 | |
February 21 | Nanaimo Teachers | Nanaimo BC |
March 10/11 | Pacific Dental Group | Vancouver BC |
March 18 | International Factoring Association (Hold) | Vancouver BC |
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