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origin of the '12 Days of Christmas' with its lists of improbable gifts is purported to be a device to help 16th and 17th century Catholics in England to secretly learn some of the numbers associated with aspects of their faith. (Roman Catholics were not allowed to practice their faith in England from 1558-1829. It was a crime to be a Catholic, punishable by death.) The original code of the carol is unknown to most current Christians, but the song remains like a cheerful Christmas nursery rhyme. Here's what 'Leaping Lords' and 'Milking Maids' were really all about.
click to play an mp3 clip of Twelve Days
with the Stanford Chamber Chorale
while you read the page
The song goes,
"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me..."
The "true love" represents God and the "me" who receives these presents is the
Christian.
The "partridge in a pear tree" was Jesus Christ who died on a tree as a gift
from God.
The "two turtle doves" were the Old and New Testaments -- another gift from
God.
The "three French hens" were faith hope and love -- the three gifts of the
Spirit that abide (I Corinthians 13).
The "four calling birds" were the four Gospels which sing the song of
salvation through Jesus Christ.
The "five golden rings" were the first five books of the Bible also called
the "Books of Moses."
The "six geese a-laying" were the six days of creation.
The "seven swans a swimming" were "seven gifts of the Holy Spirit." (I
Corinthians 12:8-11, Romans 12, Ephesians 4, 1 Peter 4:10-11)
The "eight maids a milking" were the eight beatitudes.
The "nine ladies dancing" were nine fruits of the Holy Spirit. (Galatians
5:22-23)
The "ten lords a-leaping" were the Ten Commandments.
The "eleven pipers piping" were the eleven faithful disciples.
The "twelve drummers drumming" were the twelve points of the Apostles' Creed.
The best thing about the '12 Days of Christmas' is that it lends itself to parodies, some of which we have included for your holiday enjoyment.
The Twelve Thank-you Notes 
author unknown
December 25
My dearest darling Edward,
What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear-tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank
you.
Your deeply loving, Emily
December 26
Beloved Edward,
The two turtle-doves arrived this morning, and are cooing away in the pear-tree as I write. I'm so touched and grateful!
With undying love, as always, Emily
December 27
My darling Edward,
You do think of the most original presents! Who ever thought of sending anybody three French hens? Do they really come all the way from France? It's a pity we have no chicken coops, but I expect we'll find some. Anyway, thankyou so much; they're lovely.
Your devoted, Emily
December 28
Dearest Edward,
What a surprise! Four calling birds arrived this morning. They are very sweet, even if they do call rather loudly -- they make telephoning almost impossible - but I expect they'll calm down when they get used to their new home. Anyway, I'm very grateful, of course I am.
Love from Emily
December 29
Dearest Edward,
The mailman has just delivered five most beautiful gold rings, one for each finger, and all fitting perfectly! A really lovely present! Lovelier, in a way, than birds, which do take rather a lot of looking after. The four that arrived yesterday are still making a terrible row, and I'm afraid none of us got much sleep last night. Mother says she wants to use the rings to "wring" their necks. Mother has such a sense of humor. This time she's only joking, I think, but I do know what she means. Still, I love the rings.
Bless you, Emily
December 30
Dear Edward,
Whatever I expected to find when I opened the front door this morning, it certainly wasn't six socking great geese laying eggs all over the porch. Frankly, I rather hoped that you had stopped sending me birds. We have no room for them, and they've already ruined the croquet lawn. I know you meant well, but let's call a halt, shall we?
Love, Emily
December 31
Edward,
I thought I said NO MORE BIRDS. This morning I woke up to find no more than seven swans, all trying to get into our tiny goldfish pond. I'd rather not think what's happened to the goldfish. The whole house seems to be full of birds, to say nothing of what they leave behind them, so please, please, stop!
Your Emily
January 1
Frankly, I prefer the birds. What am I to do
with eight milkmaids? And their cows! Is this some kind of a joke? If
so, I'm afraid I don't find it very amusing.
Emily
January 2
Look here, Edward,
This has gone far enough. You say you're sending me nine ladies dancing. All I can say is, judging from the way they dance, they're certainly not ladies. The village just isn't accustomed to seeing a regiment of shameless viragos, with nothing on but their lipstick, cavorting round the green, and it's Mother and I who get the blame. If you value our friendship, which I do (less and less), kindly stop this ridiculous behavior at once!
Emily
January 3
As I write this letter, ten disgusting old men
are prancing up and down all over what used to be the garden, before the geese and the swans and the cows got at it. And several of them, I have just noticed, are taking inexcusable liberties with the milkmaids. Meanwhile the neighbors are trying to have us evicted. I shall never speak to you again.
Emily
January 4
This is the last straw! You know I detest
bagpipes! The place has now become something between a menagerie and a madhouse, and a man from the council has just declared it unfit for habitation. At least Mother has been spared this last outrage; they took her away yesterday afternoon in an ambulance to a home for the bewildered. I hope you're satisfied.
January 5
Sir,
Our client, Miss Emily Wilbraham, instructs me to inform you that with the arrival on her premises at 7:30 this morning of the entire percussion section of the Boston Symphony Orchestra, and several of their friends, she has no course left open to
her but to seek an injunction to prevent you importuning her further. I am making arrangements for the return of much assorted livestock.
I am, Sir, yours faithfully,
G. Creep, Attorney at law
The 12 Days of Christmas Cutbacks
Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:
- The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the
cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing
considerable savings in maintenance;
- Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective.
In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions
are, therefore, eliminated;
- The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;
- The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system,
with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have
been calling, how often and how long they talked;
- The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors.
Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications
for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well
as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order;
- The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded.
It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an
example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an
upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from
now on, every goose it gets will be a good one;
- The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The
function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans
will be retrained to learn some new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement;
- As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny
by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant
maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process
may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching;
- Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased
out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps;
- Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the expense of
international air travel, prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing
this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat
sacrificed, the savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed
congressmen this year;
- Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band
getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no
uniforms, will produce savings which will drop right to the bottom line.
Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and
related expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over
twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include
the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending.
Deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen,
the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven
dwarfs is the right number.
The Politically Correct 12 Days of Christmas
On the 12th day of the globally imposed midwinter festival, my potential soulmate of unspecified gender gave to me:
- Twelve males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming.
- Eleven pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...)
- Ten melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
- Nine persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
- Eight economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from captive bovines of the same gender,
- Seven endangered swans swimming on protected wetlands,
- Six enslaved fowls producing stolen nonhuman animal products,
- Five golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,
Note: after member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.
- Four hours of recorded whale songs,
- Three deconstructionist poets,
- Two Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses
- And an Animal Rights activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
Who made Santa Red?
Coca Cola didn't create our current image of Santa Claus but did a lot to popularize it in the 1950's. Click here for the story.
